Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
do herpes really smell.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
