Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Everything about him screamed your future.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
