The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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