i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
