Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
