You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
