So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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