I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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