whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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