Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
