sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
