Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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