You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
