I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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