a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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