Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
