her vagine was all disorganized.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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