ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
