this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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