people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i dont even know how to be here
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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