That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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