you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
