Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
