I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
