i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
