3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
