I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
