I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
