just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
