My room smells like vodka and shame
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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