Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
