Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
