Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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