He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
