dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
