I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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