I'm drive I can fine osifer
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
