So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
