i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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