I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
