We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
