The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
