Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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