wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
