It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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