I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
