This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
