I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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