i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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