They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
