I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
