So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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