I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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