I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
