she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
